Your Life is Being Sucked Away
Your life is slowly being drained away. You feel it seeping out as an overwhelming force envelopes you. The cause? Not a horrific accident, terrorist attack or natural disaster. No, it is something far more common. Something you may experience many times in your life. It is an Energy Vampire.
Vampires Walk among Us.
Yes, vampires walk among us. Not the blood-sucking, coffin dwelling vampires of Dracula fame, or the brooding superhuman immortals of Twilight fame, but ordinary humans who will suck the energy right out of you. Energy vampires are those people who, whenever you are around them, cause you to feel overwhelmed or completely drained by the end of the encounter. Some describe it as being run over by a Mack truck.
You know who I mean. In fact, you may be thinking of one right now. It may be their constant negativity, their neediness, or their unbearable perkiness that gets you. But whatever it is, it takes its toll.
A Stake to the Heart is not the Solution. Try a Bouncer.
So how do you deal with an energy vampire? A stake to the heart? Tempting though it may sometimes be, that’s simply an incredibly bad idea. Garlic? Sure, that might keep them away, but it may also repel the people you do want to be around. Silver? That is a defense against werewolves, not vampires, and a subject for another time. No, the answer is sometimes far more simple. Just don’t be around them.
Hundreds, if not thousands, of people enter our lives during our time on earth. And for the majority of those, we can choose to associate with them, or not. If Negative Neighbor is who sucks the life out of you, don’t invite her to your book club. If Clingy Client is who drags you down, terminate the professional relationship and refer them to another service provider.
You know those exclusive parties or events where only people on “the list” get in? On TV the list is usually accompanied by a very large, scary looking man who decides whether you walk through the doors or go packing. Well, you get to create your own guest list for your life. The list can grow or shrink, but you decide who is on it. You also get to be your own door guard. (You don’t have to be a large, scary man. Though of course if you really want to be…) No list and no guard means anyone can just walk right into your life anytime they please, including energy vampires. Make your list.
Living with a Vampire.
What about those energy vampires that you can’t or shouldn’t avoid? Sometimes there are vampires that you need or want to include on your list. It may be a client, a coworker, a neighbor, or a family member. Sometimes you need to live with a vampire.
For the most part, energy vampires are good people, with good hearts. They don’t mean to suck the life out of you, and most of the time they don’t even know they are doing it. The energy vampires I know would be horrified to learn that they have that effect on you. Sometimes just having someone gently point out the effect they are having can cure them of their vampiric malady. However, that is not always a viable option.
The key to living with an energy vampire is to watch for and seize the fleeting moments when you can meaningfully connect with them. Those moments when you can listen and converse, and where they can feel of your love, concern, respect and humanity. It requires patience and genuine interest. At these times, connected-listening skills are invaluable. It could be during a calm moment in the office or at dinner. It could be after a tirade and meltdown. It could be while helping with homework, driving to a dance lesson, or just hanging around. These moments may be difficult to catch, and they may pass quickly, but you have to take advantage of every second you can.
When you seize these moments, you will find a sharp contrast to your regular interactions with your energy vampire. Instead of feeling agitated or drained you will feel calm and energized. They can be powerful moments. It is these moments that will carry you through the other times, through the vampiric siphoning, and help you live with your vampire.