To the Owners of the pets who leave “little presents” in my yard:
If it is the thought that counts. how am I supposed to interpret this little gift? While it is kind of your pets to visit, the things they leave are seriously impacting my family’s quality of life. While adding “dodge the landmine” to a game of soccer is exciting for a while, it soon loses its novelty. The olfactory effect is rather off-putting too. If you would be so kind as to give me your forwarding address, I would be happy to return your property to you.
Signed, “If I wanted Poop in My Yard I’d Have My Own Pets”
Whew! Please forgive that little rant. But if you’ve ever been in a similar situation you’re probably feeling my pain. (I have no problem with responsible pet owners, by the way.)
But it got me thinking - Do we as people ever leave “little presents” in other people’s lives? How often do we dump our own baggage on other people and leave them to clean up the mess?
What Kind of Poop are You Leaving?
Now don’t get me wrong, we need to be able to share our feelings, struggles, fears, etc., with other people. It’s just that we need to share with the right people in the right way.
When we leave little presents with others it is akin to emotional vandalism, messing up people’s psychological yards with our garbage.
Little presents are those problems, emotions, responsibilities, frustrations, and gripes that we drop with little thought for the consequences; those things that we are not particularly trying to solve and don’t consider the impact on those we are sharing it with.
Much of the time. you may not even realize you are doing it. If you do realize it later you are embarrassed and mortified. Sometimes you may leave them because you just haven’t learned to stop yourself. Sometimes though, there are the presents we drop because we just don’t care or drop deliberately. Those are the particularly stinky ones.
What “little presents” are you leaving in other people’s lives?
8 Ways to Avoid Leaving Little Presents for Others
Most people don’t want to be emotional vandals, but everyone has been at one point or another. Here are eight ways you can avoid becoming an emotional vandal.
Find a Confidant. Find someone you trust and who is willing to listen to and support you. It could be your spouse, intimate partner, best friend, parent, sibling, mentor, counselor or coach. The key is that it is somebody who cares about you and your success and who has willingly accepted the role.
Ask for Help, Not an Agent. When you do share, don’t just dump your problems on somebody else and expect them to deal with it while you go your merry way. Ask for support - and for specific help when you can’t do it on your own - but do as much as you reasonably can on your own.
Take Ownership When You Should. Take responsibility for your own stuff. Don’t blame other people for your shortcomings or emotions. On the flip side, don’t take everyone else’s problems on yourself.
Let Go. So often we hold on to stress, fear, resentment, anger, and any other negative emotions we can find like they are precious little treasures. They’re not. We hold on to things completely beyond our control as if merely wanting something to be different will make it so. Let go. Control what you can control and let go of everything else.
Keep a Journal. Sometimes you just need to let things out and your confidant may not be available or appropriate to catch your stuff. Let it out in writing in your private journal (not on a blog or Facebook). If you keep a journal, be sure to chronicle the good as well as the bad.
Find an Outlet. Take up a hobby where you can express yourself in a constructive way. Paint, write, sing, play an instrument, garden, read, take pictures, whatever. Find something that you enjoy and that lets you channel your emotional energy productively.
Get Physical. Don’t make me sing the Olivia Newton John song! (Also, don’t tell me you don’t know who that is or you’ll make me feel old.) Get your body moving. It doesn’t have to be a workout at the gym. Dance, walk, garden, build something, clean the house, etc. Physical activity will help keep you physically, mentally, and emotionally well and better able to deal with situations that could create little presents.
Shift Perspective. Stop dwelling on the negative. If all you look for is the negative that is all you will see. There is always a positive lesson in every situation. 100% guaranteed. you just have to look for it. Take the time to list every possible positive lesson or outcome. Make it fun. For example, you could write it as a bedtime story where you are the hero who overcomes adversity to be rewarded with a happy ending.
These suggestions are not only great ways to avoid being an emotional vandal, but also great for becoming a happier person. Try it. You might like it.
p.s.If you really want to leave something in my yard, flowers would be nice.