Why am I better at resolving other people’s problems than my own?
Are you the person others turn to to solve their problems? You probably find that you are good at helping them work through conflicts and challenges. Yet, when it comes to your own personal challenges you sometimes feel like you are total mess. Ever feel that way? In know I have. I spend so much time helping others overcome challenges that I should be a total ace. But sometimes I forget to practice what I preach. Why is it easier to resolve other people's conflicts than it is your own?
Tree Bark
The short answer is that it comes down to two primary factors: perspective and investment. You have a much different perspective on a situation when it is you in middle of it, rather than looking in from the outside. It is much easier to get a broader and more objective view of a situation when it's not your stuff. You can maintain some emotional distance, which allows you to think more clearly and to see patterns. When it's you, emotions come in and give you tunnel vision. It is harder to see other points of view. Not only can you not see the forest for the trees, but all you see is the knot in the bark.
That Darn Brain
We are more likely to trigger the primal fight, flight or freeze response when we have something on the line. This is particularly the case in personal relationships, where the relationship forms part of your identity. The relationship is a part of you, so when the relationship is threatened, your brain senses a personal threat. It can be a scary feeling. The closer and more important the relationship, the deeper it is planted in your identity. One one level this is a good thing; it creates a stronger interpersonal connection, and we need human connection. On another level it can be a danger, if we allow it to determine our sense of self worth. Regardless, this investment creates a more complex situation for you when conflicts arise, because you not only the external conflict, but the internal as well.
With this extra complexity it really any wonder that it is often much easier to help others solve their problems than to solve your own?